Last month I received a Skype message from a friend in NY asking if I was free to play football over the weekend – the team was short one female player.
It is difficult to write about much of what has transpired over the past several months, which is likely why this blog has been quiet. Back in May, I had decided to leave South Africa. After two years, 18 months longer than originally planned, I was ready to move on. At ITEACH, we had completed a successful study on HIV self-testing, demonstrating that with the right tools and support, laypersons in South Africa can perform a blood-based HIV test accurately. Our work was done. And personally, I longed to be back in a creative environment. I missed the energy and discipline of a design studio. I felt stuck. There was no clear way forward for the self-test kit and I no longer felt like I was growing creatively. Add to this, persistent questions from friends and family, "When are you coming back? What are you going to do next?" I was beginning to wonder the same myself. I did not know the answers; I thought I should at least consider the questions.
Without a clear next step, I decided to at least plan for such. I set my sights on new opportunities and began to extract myself from ITEACH and South Africa, offering only to stay on through the end of the year, working from the US during the last few months. This never felt right. But with so much uncertainty and a fundamental lack of stability I felt it necessary to establish a firm target to work toward – a decision, a plan, a goal – something concrete.
As with most of my work over the past 2 1/2 years, an answer became evident in the final hour, when the only choice left was: figure it out or lose everything. If you know me at all, you know this is not how I prefer to operate. I do so only out of necessity and with as much understanding and grace as I can summon. This actuality is exasperating, and it was almost enough to drive me away from the opportunity to see my work on the HIV self-test kit through to fruition. In simpler terms, I had all but thrown in the towel.
Suddenly and unexpectedly all of the pieces began falling into place. ITEACH engaged the right people for support and gained the expertise and vision that were desperately needed to move the self-test kit forward. Finally, we had the semblance of a plan and good reason to believe it would work. Enthusiasm and confidence rebounded. The work surged forward. And my plans to move on…changed.
In July, I returned to the US as planned, which coincidentally aligned with the way self-test kit efforts were shaping up. Mary and I were able to work (and drink) together in person, greatly improving our productivity and further boosting mutual morale. In a few short weeks, we gained critical momentum and made a few life-changing decisions. Late nights, all nights, and endless Skype calls felt more like a unique privilege than the bane of my existence. Of course, there were bumps in the road; some quite big and some quite literal, including a shattered glass-top coffee table and several bloodied socks, but our forward trajectory persisted.
Another interesting thing happened during my time the US. Almost immediately I missed South Africa. I dismissed this thought initially, knowing I had left on a high note – back to back trips, a solo excursion to Rwanda, followed by two weeks touring KZN with my mother – but after spending a full month in NY, in the exceedingly comfortable home of an exceedingly gracious friend, running over my favorite bridges and through my favorite neighborhoods, drinking good coffee, and eating an entire Brooklyn pizza myself, I came to an unexpected, somewhat alarming realization: I did not want to live in NY. I felt less at home in there, and in US than in the unfamiliar, challenging environment of KZN, South Africa. My work and my heart was still on another continent. That is where I wanted to be.
So here I am, back in South Africa. I deferred my entry to the NYC Marathon. I do not have a house; I do not have a car; I surrendered those things when I left in July. Since then, I have been supported by the kindness of friends and family, who have generously shared their homes and lives with me while I get settled once again. I have lost track of how many beds and couches I have slept on, how many meals I have shared and kitchens I have cooked in, cars I have driven and rides I have gratefully accepted. Those I love believe in me and my work as much as I do. That is why I can sit here and write this. And it is precisely why I have.
Rwanda
Mom's visit to SA
Back in the US
Back in SA
Brett: Hola stranger. I feel bad asking since we haven’t spoken much since you've been back, but any chance you wanna play Zog this weekend? We're short a girl. Rachel: Sounds fun! But that would be a really long trip for me.I have been neglecting this blog. It is no longer a reliable reflection of my whereabouts or pursuits. Since my last post on May 11th I have visited mountain gorillas in Rwanda, ridden into rural Lestho on horseback with my mother, moved back to the US, started a company, and moved back to South Africa. It is little wonder Brett thought I could make it to a football game from the 6 train.
Brett: Andrew would be driving from his place to and from I believe…if that makes it any easier
Rachel: Brett…I'm in South Africa
Brett: So, you can't take the 6 train?
It is difficult to write about much of what has transpired over the past several months, which is likely why this blog has been quiet. Back in May, I had decided to leave South Africa. After two years, 18 months longer than originally planned, I was ready to move on. At ITEACH, we had completed a successful study on HIV self-testing, demonstrating that with the right tools and support, laypersons in South Africa can perform a blood-based HIV test accurately. Our work was done. And personally, I longed to be back in a creative environment. I missed the energy and discipline of a design studio. I felt stuck. There was no clear way forward for the self-test kit and I no longer felt like I was growing creatively. Add to this, persistent questions from friends and family, "When are you coming back? What are you going to do next?" I was beginning to wonder the same myself. I did not know the answers; I thought I should at least consider the questions.
Without a clear next step, I decided to at least plan for such. I set my sights on new opportunities and began to extract myself from ITEACH and South Africa, offering only to stay on through the end of the year, working from the US during the last few months. This never felt right. But with so much uncertainty and a fundamental lack of stability I felt it necessary to establish a firm target to work toward – a decision, a plan, a goal – something concrete.
As with most of my work over the past 2 1/2 years, an answer became evident in the final hour, when the only choice left was: figure it out or lose everything. If you know me at all, you know this is not how I prefer to operate. I do so only out of necessity and with as much understanding and grace as I can summon. This actuality is exasperating, and it was almost enough to drive me away from the opportunity to see my work on the HIV self-test kit through to fruition. In simpler terms, I had all but thrown in the towel.
Suddenly and unexpectedly all of the pieces began falling into place. ITEACH engaged the right people for support and gained the expertise and vision that were desperately needed to move the self-test kit forward. Finally, we had the semblance of a plan and good reason to believe it would work. Enthusiasm and confidence rebounded. The work surged forward. And my plans to move on…changed.
In July, I returned to the US as planned, which coincidentally aligned with the way self-test kit efforts were shaping up. Mary and I were able to work (and drink) together in person, greatly improving our productivity and further boosting mutual morale. In a few short weeks, we gained critical momentum and made a few life-changing decisions. Late nights, all nights, and endless Skype calls felt more like a unique privilege than the bane of my existence. Of course, there were bumps in the road; some quite big and some quite literal, including a shattered glass-top coffee table and several bloodied socks, but our forward trajectory persisted.
Another interesting thing happened during my time the US. Almost immediately I missed South Africa. I dismissed this thought initially, knowing I had left on a high note – back to back trips, a solo excursion to Rwanda, followed by two weeks touring KZN with my mother – but after spending a full month in NY, in the exceedingly comfortable home of an exceedingly gracious friend, running over my favorite bridges and through my favorite neighborhoods, drinking good coffee, and eating an entire Brooklyn pizza myself, I came to an unexpected, somewhat alarming realization: I did not want to live in NY. I felt less at home in there, and in US than in the unfamiliar, challenging environment of KZN, South Africa. My work and my heart was still on another continent. That is where I wanted to be.
So here I am, back in South Africa. I deferred my entry to the NYC Marathon. I do not have a house; I do not have a car; I surrendered those things when I left in July. Since then, I have been supported by the kindness of friends and family, who have generously shared their homes and lives with me while I get settled once again. I have lost track of how many beds and couches I have slept on, how many meals I have shared and kitchens I have cooked in, cars I have driven and rides I have gratefully accepted. Those I love believe in me and my work as much as I do. That is why I can sit here and write this. And it is precisely why I have.
Rwanda
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| Farms on the boundary of Volcanoes National Park |
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| Summit of Mt. Bisoke |
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| Female mountain gorilla from the Amahoro family |
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| Golden monkey, bamboo forest |
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| Lake Kivu, Rwanda and DRC border |
Mom's visit to SA
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| San paintings, Kamberg |
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| Sani Pass, from the top |
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| Rural Lesotho |
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| Mom on horseback, Lesotho |
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| Elephants, Hluhluwe-Umfolozi game reserve |
Back in the US
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| Brooklyn home, Chez Georges |
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| Day with the Tutivens, Davin and Liam's toys |
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| Great Lawn, Central Park |
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| Manhattan Bridge, from Brooklyn |
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| 90th St. beach, Sea Isle City, NJ |
Back in SA
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| Self-test kit prototypes |
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| Hiking in the Drakensberg Mountains |
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| Drakensberg Mountains, Magnificent Valley |
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| Drakensberg Mountain valley, Giant's Cup in the distance |
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| Fishing at The Thorns, Du Preez campsite on their farm in Rietvlei |
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| Inguni cow on the Du Preez farm |
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| Surf in Ballito, Dolphin Coast |
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| White rhino, Highthorne game reserve |
Nice post, Rachel
ReplyDeletelove, Big E
Thanks, Big E
ReplyDeleteI continue to be very impressed by your approach to life. Few people would do what you have done and even fewer would learn as much as you have from this journey. I which I could give my nieces and nephew some insight to do the same for themselves. Stay strong and keep focused on what you really want - it will come.
ReplyDeleteHi, Jan! It is wonderful to hear from you. Thank you very much for the thoughtful comment and words of support. Your nieces and nephew will find their way. We are always learning, whatever journey we choose ;-)
ReplyDeleteBe well!
R